I want to be a fit geek

Surfing through the fitspo tag, looking for the motivation I need to get me out of this “I want to be lazy” rut I’ve been in for the past few days, when I see a blog post from someone promising you’ll lose 10lbs in 1 months if you follow her (I assume the blogger is a woman for some reason). “Best of all, I’ll make you skinny”. If that’s not a word for word quote, it’s pretty darn close. And this bugs me. Currently I’m 155lbs, which is quite a lot on my 5ft frame. But at one point, about 10 years ago, I really struggled with an eating disorder. I got down to 93lbs the worst way possible. I was horribly ill, eating fewer than 700 calories a day. It was a long hard fight to get to a healthy weight, once I admitted I had a problem. And sometimes, there’s still that voice in my head, wishing for visible hip bones and a thigh gap (that I’ll never have because of my build). Then I got married, gained the “newly wed” weight, then I got pregnant and gained the baby weight, and here I am.  Trying to lose weight the RIGHT way, for good.

I don’t want to be skinny. I want to be healthy. Fit. I want to run in races just to say I did, I want to outrun my kids, keep up with them on the play ground, help them practice for sports, teach them the right way to do things NOW so they don’t make the mistakes I did. I don’t know what weight or pants size I’ll be. And really, I don’t care. My waist measurement isn’t as important as my health. I’ll never be a size 2 again, I’ll never be “skinny”. But I will not tolerate being overweight any more either. Give me strong muscles, energy and a life of great health over thigh gaps, skinny jeans, hip and collar bones any day. 

Yesterday sucked. This week has been spotted with suckage actually. I think my period is approaching, I typically get moody and lack energy. And with this lovely development, I’m getting side stitches during my runs >_< Yesterday, I was just flat out lazy. I got pretty mad at myself, so I’m busting ass today. I ran, side stitches and all, some strength training, I tried to do the newest video Cassey Ho posted, Pop Pilates- Pippa’s butt workout, … tried being the word, lol. It’s now a goal to be able to finish that video in the next few weeks.

I’ve been sooooo tired. Too many late nights and early mornings.

I had new measurements taken yesterday, lost over an inch on my waist and hips and a 1/2 off the bust. Such a huge motivation to see those numbers go down :)

Now for a nice walk with the kids.

Really trying to convince myself of this mind set. Got up late, sore and congested. Didn’t feel so good doing my C25K, it was really rough and filled with side stitches. Shin splints for the past few days :( And today is quit day. As is, I’m quitting smoking today.This sounds like a great idea, it IS a great idea. I’ll be able to run farther, faster, breathe better But part of me just doesn’t want to. Not to mention, my darling Husband still smokes. As I’m trying to distract myself from this current craving, he’s getting his sun glasses on. It’s a cue. Trying desperately not to follow him. I don’t want one. I don’t want that cancer stick. As of right now, my body is not feeling withdraw, yet anyway. It’s habit. I have a love/hate relationship with smoking. I hate that I love it. I hate how smoking makes me feel, yet I still love it. It’s disgusting. But I’m learning to respect my body, feed it the right things, learning to love exercise, and part of it, is putting a stop to the damage I’ve done and continue to do to myself.   

I just ran 1/4 mile without stopping. This may not sound like much to some people, but it’s a serious accomplishment for me. A few weeks ago, that would have killed me, and I did it twice today :)

Last night I took my first Zumba class. OMG I’M HOOKED! I expected to be lost, totally lost. But last night was her first class back after having taken a break for a month, and as luck would have it, I was the only person there! So I sort of got a private lesson :) She didn’t spend too much time explaining moves, a quick demo and off we go. And surprisingly, I did REALLY well!  I haven’t taken a dance class in years, but apparently, I’ve still got it :) In 45 minutes I torched 545 calories. A-fucking-mazing. I felt awesome afterwards, like I just won something. I’m going back next week for sure. 

So today hasn’t gone as well as I would like it to. Decided to try to take my C25K outside with my dog. He wouldn’t keep pace with me. I’m thinking I’ll do short runs with him, since he insists on going fast. Maybe a couple times a week, hopefully we’ll find a middle ground on the pace. Not too fast, not too slow. Came home, cooled down a bit, then got on the treadmill to do my C25K, and after about 10 minutes, it was like lightening was striking my knee :( Took that as my cue to put it off until tomorrow. It doesn’t hurt to walk, so I guess that’s good. I just couldn’t push through pain like that. Discomfort, sure. That was actual pain, and I don’t want to injure myself. So I think dog runs and C25K can’t happen on the same day for now. All total I did get a good workout. Though I’m thinking of repeating C25K week 3, but modifying it a bit. Instead of jog 90sec walk 90 sec jog 3 min walk 3 min, I think I’ll make it 3 minutes all across the board for jogs and 90 for all walking. If thats too easy, I’ll go for a 4 minute jog. I want to push myself, but I don’t want to take on too much too soon, you know? I want to learn to love running. Just have to teach my body that it CAN do this.  

Today was weigh in day :) down another 2lbs! This is a great pace and I hope I can keep it up. Exercising 6 days a week for at least 30 minutes and watching what I eat. I think I need to up my ab work. Everywhere else is that lovely level of sore, except my core… This must change.